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Q & A: Should I send invitations to people who declined the Save-the-date?

Question by Laura M: Should I send invitations to people who declined the Save-the-date?
If someone e-mails me to tell me that they can’t come to my wedding after they received the Save-the-date card, should I still send them an invitation? On one hand, I feel like I should, since the Save-the-date card implies that they will get an invitiation. On the other hand, if they said no, I don’t want them to feel like I sent them an invitation just so that I could get a gift. What is the etiquette on this?
I really like the idea of asking them whether they want the invitation or not. Some of my friends like to keep those things and, yet, I don’t want to appear to be asking for gifts. And, no, I definitely am not putting ANY registry information in my invitations. Thanks – this has been really helpful.

Best answer:

Answer by Greyhound Mama
I would say no. It would be a waste of postage and you already know they won’t be able to attend.

You could ask if they would like to have an invitation as a keepsake since they can’t be there, then hand deliver it to them, minus the response card and such.

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16 Responses to Q & A: Should I send invitations to people who declined the Save-the-date?

  1. snowbunny

    I would take it case by case. If you feel that the couple/family would want to send a gift, they might be expecting an invitation with the gift registry information on it.

  2. Zachary'smommy

    ummm. your right. both sttements are correct.
    i would send an invitation anyway. you never know. their plans may have changed and they may be able to come to the wedding afterall.

  3. Blunt

    No invitations to those who can’t come. No need for waste and postage.
    It could also be read as an imposition for gifts, which is unapropiate.
    Good luck

  4. Frinn

    Yes, you must. Things might have changed since the first mailing.
    And after the invites, make sure you mail another card to everyone to remind them of the date, and tell them where you are registered. Mail even to those who declined the invite.
    And a week before the date, do a mass mailing to again remind them, and update the list of things you want for gifts. Mail even to those who aren’t coming.

  5. Sarah W

    I would ask, either by a phone call, in person, or better yet by email since they prefer to correspond by email. You could even have someone ask for you if they are close to the person. You don’t want to put someone on the spot by sending them an invitation and you don’t want them to think you forgot about them either.

    You probably should send save-the-date cards after the invitations so you don’t have this problem again (unless you’ve already sent them). Anyway, wish you luck on your wedding day (relax it will be over soon). Don’t forget to make this a fun occasion because there’s no such thing as the “perfect” wedding.

  6. melouofs

    I wouldn’t. They got the pre-invite, and already told you they wouldn’t be coming…it’s almost badgering them to send an invite at this point.

  7. casper4

    Normally, I would still send them an invitation. Their plans may have changed in the meantime.

    Do NOT send them anything pertaining to your registry. That is horribly rude and tacky. Never, never, NEVER send out registry cards with your invitations or Save-the-Dates.

  8. Isadora01

    An invitation does not imply that a gift is expected. In fact, no mention of gifts or registries or suggestions of what you would like someone to do in lieu of a gift is ever acceptable.

    So, I would go ahead and send the invitation. Their schedule may have cleared or they may simply want the invite as a keepsake.

  9. kill_yr_television

    Unless it’s someone you very badly want there, I’d let it rest. You don’t want to “hound” people who have already told you they can’t attend. But for those you care about very much and want to have there rather badly, it doesn’t hurt to call and ask if you MAY send an invitation in the hopes that circumstances change before your “get a head count to the caterer” deadline. Usually I feel that it’s a breach of etiquette for bride or groom to bring up the subject of gifts, but there are exceptions. If you have reason to believe that someone is declining due to the embarrassment of insufficient funds to provide a gift, please assure these people that it is their PRESENCE, and not their PRESENTS, which you crave.

  10. danashelchan

    If you still sent an invitation to someone who has already said they can’t make it, it would seem pushy. They might have responded (save the date cards don’t even require a response) just because they don’t want to attend.

    I would think it is only fair to assume that you have spoken to people in between sending the save the dates, and being ready to mail the invitations. If they don’t seem that jazzed about attending your wedding, give it a rest.

  11. Terri

    What is the timeframe between the save the dates and the invitation being sent out?

    IMO I’d still send one, because they may have changed their mind after a bit, or circumstances are allowing them to attend after all.

  12. VAWeddingSpecialist

    If people have already emailed you and said they won’t be able to attend, there is no need to send an invite. You already have enough to worry about and making more invitations shouldn’t be one of them … be thankful they told you before the invites went out so now that little extra money can go elsewhere in your budget.

  13. corinne1029

    It’s unusual for people to “decline” after a save-the-date. Contrary to a few other answers, you were right to send the save-the-date cards first. And you don’t need to send out 80 mass mailing “reminder” cards. You also shouldn’t include registry information on the save-the-date or invitation because it’s seen as asking for gifts, which is very rude.

    What I would do is still send those guests an invitation (without the respond card). I would include a note inside that says something like, “I know you’ve already said you can’t make it, but I wanted to make sure you received a formal invitation anyway.”

  14. Ms. X

    I plan on sending invitations to anyone who declines the STD. I’m going to tell them, “Well, I’ll send you an invitation anyway in case your plans change.” I don’t think people view invitations as a solicitation for gifts. I certainly don’t.

  15. Bill

    If they didn’t respond to the save-the-date, I’d cross them off the list. It’s like an invitation to be invited, and they didn’t rsvp.

    Thank you for not sending registry information with your invites. Bless you. May sunshine, rainbows and decent traffic patterns gift you on your wedding day.

  16. Jenny

    You should either send the invitation without the response/reception card or send them an announcement after the fact notifying them that you did get married afterall.

    The question mostly goes to who this person is. Is it a friend, acquaintance, distant relative or close relative? Perhaps it is someone who has a conflict with the date, but really wants to come, or a close relative who can’t afford to travel. To exclude them altogether may be rude, particularly if it is someone who wishes they could be there, but can’t. They may still want to send a gift or a card for the occasion, to congratulate you.

    I would hate to think that you don’t send Grandma Jane an invitation, just because she can’t afford to come or is too ill to travel the long distance.

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